We Are Four: A Reflection on Sibling Relationships

 

Sibling relationships can be a profound source of blessing, a testament to how fortunate one is, or, in some cases, they can highlight loneliness. In my life, I’ve been blessed with a beautiful baby sister, an older brother, and our youngest, my baby brother. Together, we make up a family of four.

When I was a child, my parents received a job offer in Saudi Arabia. At that time, it was just me and my older brother. He was already in school, so my parents decided to leave him with my uncle and our amazing grandmother. Every six months, we would visit during the school holidays. It was always difficult to say goodbye when we returned to Saudi Arabia.

Two years ago, I decided to try a practice called the Sadhu Board. It’s a board with sharp screws that you stand on while a practitioner guides you through the pain using breathing exercises. As I stood there, enduring excruciating pain, the practitioner told me to breathe in and relax, assuring me that the pain would eventually subside. I was sobbing, and then something unexpected happened I stopped feeling the physical pain, and instead, deep emotional pain began to surface. The trauma of separation came rushing back like a punch in the face.

It’s frightening how traumas can remain hidden, yet profoundly influence our emotions, decisions, and life directions. The trauma wasn’t the event itself; it was the lingering bitterness and pain of being separated from my brother every time we visited and then had to leave again. I never realized how much this trauma had shaped my approach to relationships.

After that session, I cried for days. I called my brother and confessed that I was scared. I told him that the separation from him during our childhood had left me fearful of relationships. I had always sought out relationships that I knew wouldn’t last because I was trying to protect myself from the pain of separation.

My brother reassured me that I wasn’t alone, but I knew that I had been approaching relationships from a place of fear—fear of the inevitable pain that separation brings. He told me that he, too, had felt lonely during those 11 years we spent in Saudi Arabia. If only time could go back, but it can’t. Now, being aware of this trauma, I’ve made peace with being alone. I no longer question why I don’t have someone in my life.

My younger sister was my best friend during those years. We played together, creating our own little corner where we felt free. My childhood was complicated, to the point where I don’t remember any friends from school, teachers, or significant events. My brain seems to have locked them away, and I’m okay with that.

Then, in 1990, my younger brother was born, bringing with him all the love and light in the world. The day my mom delivered him was one of the happiest days of my life. He needed special care, and I was more than happy to provide it. He taught me so much and continues to do so.

I have the best siblings anyone could ask for, and despite the pain and separation we experienced, our hearts have never been apart. For that, I am deeply grateful and always will be.

I love you, Ahmed, Amira, and Khaled.