I SEE YOU I HEAR YOU

 

It’s a beautiful thing to know where you are with yourself.

This year, I traveled with the intention of self-love and care. I wanted comfort, softness, and luxury—I wasn’t looking for any kind of struggle. But life, as always, had its own ideas.

On this trip, I faced a few old demons—shadows that had silently shaped my life for a long time.
There were moments when I just wanted to book the first ticket home. I couldn’t bear to sit with myself. My thoughts wouldn’t stop circling around the house I sold, and the images that stayed with me from caring for the child with the burn. It was too much.

I had so much grief rising to the surface, and I wasn’t strong enough to face it head-on. All I wanted was distraction.

The first five days in Kuala Lumpur were light. I enjoyed exploring—clean streets, palm trees on balconies, infinity pools kissing the skyline. Then I flew to Amed to celebrate my old friend’s birthday, but I got sick—fever for three nights, body aches, and mostly in bed the whole week. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it made me still. Forced me inward.

Next came Lombok—a beautiful island, just what I needed. The mountains grounded me. Standing there among giants, with clouds rolling into the valley and fog wrapping everything in softness, I finally let go. I just was—contained by the mountains, protected and connected.
I call it the mountain’s euphoria.
The shades of green and gray, the stillness, the space… mesmerizing.

If you ask me what I want: I want a house in the mountains, some books, warm drinks, my journal… and silence. Leave me there.

Those five days in Lombok were pure simplicity and joy. Then it was time to go back to Bali—this time to reconnect with my teacher. I had my acupuncture session (the cherry on top), and stayed in a beautiful co-living space in Sanur. Modern, clean, and social. Everyone moved around the kitchen and dining area, talking, making new connections. I loved that. One of my intentions for this trip was to socialize—and I did. I’m proud of myself. I even made my first Japanese friend there.

I went to the movies alone, ordered the biggest popcorn, and watched Jurassic Park: Rebirth. It was fun, joyful, light.
Sometimes, we complicate life. But when we step outside ourselves, it becomes easier to let go.
And letting go doesn’t mean giving up—it’s detachment. A beautiful gift to give yourself.

I detached from the house, from the child, And I was finally free to enjoy the rest of my trip. My mind was clear. My heart open. I was ready to receive.

Next stop: Ubud—my medicine.
I’m home.
Deep breath in.
Ready to go wild and free.

The first night didn’t go as I hoped—I didn’t like the place I stayed in—but that changed after I met Lady Joncy, the cat, and Cristina, my new Italian friend. She was so kind. When I told her about Amed and how lonely I felt, she said, “You don’t have to feel like this anymore. I’m here.”
We went out together a few times, talked for hours while Lady Joncy got all the attention. We visited beautiful places. That was the start of my last 10 days—10 days in heaven.

Great food. Live music. Friends made. Connections established.

And then came the heartbeat.
Meeting him was magic.
That night started off as someone else’s story for him, but it became part of mine.
We talked, and walked, and talked more. His tenderness and care melted my heart. I kept thinking, Why didn’t you show up earlier?
But I know: meeting him then was part of the plan.

Through him, I discovered that the wounds I once carried had quietly healed.
I’m so excited to explore this connection—and at the same time, I’m unattached.

What we shared in those three days was free, honest, and liberating.
Sometimes we meet someone just to be reminded: You’re okay. You’re safe. You can be yourself.
And he gave me that.

Even if we don’t see each other again, I’ll not forget the joy and softness I felt with him.

And now, it’s time to say goodbye.
To the friends I made.
To the man who touched my heart.
To the food, the smells, the smiles.

Back to the land of sand.
Back home.
And getting ready for my baby girl’s engagement party.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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