Grief crawling up

Yesterday, I sat in front of the computer trying to write, but my tears were stronger than the flow of writing.

I have been visiting my dogs' photos and videos files, and that got me thinking about how life can change so much from one second to the next.

I miss my dogs a lot, and as I go through memory lane, I remember all those years of happy times and the love they gave me. I love dogs, I love animals, but dogs more than anything else. So, I am going to share with you how I see dogs.

First, what I see in dogs is their eyes and their innocence. I also see this in cows. When you look into their eyes, you can see through them - kindness and endless love. They are vulnerable, and they trust unconditionally. That's why when I see anyone mistreating or abusing them, I become very aggressive, and only then can I not hold my anger.

Dogs have been my love since I was a child. Although I wasn't allowed to have a dog, the first thing I did when I moved out of my parents' house was to get a dog. Did it stop at one dog? Absolutely not. Because of their eyes, I can't resist when they give me that look, and it's done. At one point, I had 11 dogs, and we called it the madhouse.

And despite the hard work, the cleaning, the cooking, the money spent, or the nights spent sitting next to them when they were sick or feeling bad, it was and still is worth it. I love dogs, and I will until the end of this life. That's why when I chose to have a tattoo, I only got dogs because I know I will never regret it.

And from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for the ones who had to go by poison, and I wish it never happened. I wanted more time, more memories, more laughter, and more hugs. But someone out there decided to break my heart, and I'm not sure I can ever forgive.

Dear dogs, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I am sorry you were born in Egypt or any other country that allows killing animals. I am sorry I couldn't protect or save you.

Diego, Koki, Gamilah, Little Boy, thank you for every moment you gave me. Until we meet again, I love you.