Walking alone

The past few days have been difficult for me. Several events triggered anxiety, and I couldn’t find the mental space to relax and process the emotions I was feeling. Yesterday, while talking to my friend Le'reyce, I joked, "Shaimaa’s in the house, not out anymore." We laughed, but there was a sad truth behind it—I haven’t wanted to leave the house. The outside world, and dealing with people, feels overwhelming right now.

People seem to be changing drastically. There’s a lot of double standards and confusion. It’s almost like you can see opposites in the same sentence—cruelty and sympathy wrapped together. This paradox leaves me feeling unsure, as it becomes harder to differentiate between right and wrong, or good and bad. In these times of confusion, it’s essential to go inward, stay silent, and figure out what’s clouding my ability to navigate my emotions and actions.

While dealing with this, I’m also planning my upcoming birthday, which I’m determined to make different and awesome. I’m managing to keep the chaos and anxiety at the surface, contained, and not letting it affect me deeply.

September seems to be a month for growth—both intellectually and socially. It’s a time to build resilience and re-evaluate boundaries. Sometimes, we need to check and renovate our boundaries to protect our energy and avoid burnout.

Recently, I let my guard down to see how it felt to blend in and socialize more, but it wasn’t great. I realized it’s not about socializing per se; it’s about who we socialize with. If the community we engage with is chaotic, we start to think we have a problem. But that’s not true. If you shift yourself to a different environment, one with the qualities you seek, you find that you can socialize and open up without compromising yourself.

So, it’s crucial to protect yourself—socialize when it’s good for you and with the right people. We evolve when we’re in the right place, surrounded by the right energy, and we shouldn’t jeopardize that for anything.

Now, I’m beginning to feel that sense of relaxation again, returning to the comfort of my space. And this is why I can write again.