Just Shut the F*** Up

 

Silence is the place where I feel most comfortable. When all the outside noises shut down, we have the chance to look at the ones within. These four hours I have for myself every morning, when no one else is around, are my fuel for the day. I walk with the dogs, witness the sunrise every day, take in this fresh breeze every day. It allows me to count the blessings and feel peace. I can’t express how important this time for myself is—no phone, no people.

Silence taught me how to observe and see details, notice changes, witness beauty, and lean more into feeling than listening to bullshit. One of the reasons I like my loneliness is silence. When I am surrounded by others and we don’t have stimulating conversations, I feel the rise of anxiety and I need to run away.

This beautiful silence puts me face to face with my thoughts, demons, weaknesses, all of it, and I don’t run to distraction. I stay there and see what’s happening. Recently, I am more social, but in the past I could stay for very long periods without any human connection, TV, or music—nothing at all except my dogs barking, for sure, and the cats’ demands—and I was okay with that.

That goes hand in hand with slowing down and enjoying doing things with joy. These are core values for me. I hate rushing or competing. I love doing things at my own pace. I don’t like challenging others, feeding my own ego while making others feel less or incapable.

I can’t wait to do my 15-day silent walk, where only your mind keeps coming back with thoughts that need to be questioned and let go of. When I stay silent for a long time, I feel like I am in that parallel reality that isn’t built on illusions and lies. If people just knew what one word could do, they would absolutely want to keep their mouths shut for longer periods.

And when people get how powerful silence is, they are way more careful about what they say. They stop judging. They stop saying things they never meant. Silence taught me to control my anger and sit with it and figure out why. And with that, I avoided doing things I know I might regret.

Silence is spacious, pretty, and peaceful, and scary for some because the noise from the outside world covers up the chaos and mess within.

I wish there were a way to describe the feeling that comes with silence, or love and acceptance. There is this spaciousness and serenity and ease.

Sometimes we indulge in chaos, noises outside ourselves, people who can’t stop talking, a crazy neighborhood, and with time, it just sucks the life out of us. We don’t feel it immediately, but we feel fatigue, loss of desire to wake up in the morning or to stay awake. Our brain becomes foggy, nothing is clear, decisions are made under stress because we just want to get it over with. The mind is trying to keep up, and the soul is drained because we dim its light with all the noise. And only when we take the decision to get back to ourselves, to be in our safe space, do we figure out what is good and what is bad for us.

Sometimes, in my silence, my tears just flow and relief comes with them. It feels like the mind is just sighing through the tears of the much strain we put on it without noticing.

So yes, I have been thinking a lot about silence these last few days and how it has helped me a lot in the hard times when I didn’t have any energy left in me.

I love you, silence.

Good morning, people.