The Trance

 

For the last three days, I have been in this state of mind or consciousness where I feel disconnected from the real timeline. I lost track of time, or felt withdrawn from the outside world, and just so intensely lived in this spaciousness of peace. I would have thoughts come visiting vividly, and then they would just disappear when I saw them. It was, and still is, a very nice place to live in the mind.

I had my session, and the things my therapist shared with me were hitting a deeper level of consciousness. When I told her that my receptivity was very different today, she said, “Yes, I could feel it.” The mind was very sharp and clear. After a setback last week, and receiving so much love from the circle around me, the fear of falling into the dark place I was in before went away in only a day. Because I have changed. I am different. And the reassurance is no longer something that needs to be outsourced; it is coming from a deeper belief that this is the best for me, even if it hurts.

Two things I heard from a friend and from my therapist stayed with me. My friend told me, “It will hurt until it won’t,” and my therapist said, “The ultimate power is to carry your pain with pride.” There is no shame in feeling sad, and there is no failure. Things that are meant to be will be, because they didn’t happen any other way. And that carried a lot of peace in the heart and resonated with my soul.

Resolving old patterns takes time and effort, and I am grateful I had the courage to go through this journey, and even more grateful for the pain, because if it weren’t for it, I wouldn’t be going through this journey. There is nothing more joyful than exploring ourselves and healing, because you get to experience real connection, love, and compassion. You don’t wear masks or pretend. You move forward knowing that you honored your pain and your feelings, and it is paying you back.

This week, I had an epiphany, and that lifted a weight that I had carried for quite some time. and I hold on to it because I am free now, after seeing how we can be blinded by our fears and limited beliefs about ourselves. When it hit, I saw clearly how I was just an ego boost, how emotionally abused I was. I saw it in a new light that freed my mind from the struggle I had decided to go through because I didn’t like to think it wasn’t real—that some people could be twisted mentally and emotionally to that extent.

But thanks to their existence. Thanks for the triggers and for the pain.

I wish I had the ability and the words to put on paper the trance I have been in for the past few days.

Anyway, I love you, and I leave you :)